Submissive...Who, Me?

When I first began, less than five years ago, exploring spanking on the internet, it seemed that all of my searches either turned up domestic discipline and/or dominant/submissive relationships. And since the major difference that I could see (at that time) between women involved with DD and submissives was a marriage license, I assumed that because I wanted to be spanked, I was, ipso facto, a submissive.

At that point, I did what I’ve always done, I pursued all the learning I could get about how to be a “proper” submissive so that when the right person came along, I’d be ready. Of course, there wasn’t a dominant anyplace on the horizon, so I eventually started looking for that on-line as well. I got burned a couple of times-a so-called Dom who wouldn’t meet me until I called him Master-I had sense enough not to go there. Another who claimed to be a Dom but was really looking for someone to spank, probably Domme, him. Both of these made me somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of being submissive, especially to men who didn't have a clue!

Eventually, I did find someone who had a significant number of mutual interests besides the interest in spanking. As we spent more time together, we played some at Dom/sub, but neither of us was able to sustain that level of relationship for significant periods of time. Whenever he had something he really wanted to do, he might pull that card out of the deck, but mostly it didn’t seem to fit.

Besides, I’m a very independent, strongly opinionated woman; one who’s lived on her own, raised two children as a single mother, had significant career successes. But I do like being spanked, or if not always the actual spanking part, certainly the aftermath. So the pendulum swung the other way, I was not, therefore, a submissive, but just a masochist. Right.

Over the last year and a half or so, I’ve been reading The Heron Clan in which there is a Master, a submissive (non-spanked) wife and a (spanked) slave. It’s a wonderful, loving family that anyone could envy. Swan’s comments there have given me much food for thought. Following the links from there has led me to a number of other thoughtful blogs from the entire spectrum of submission and slavery.

And now the pendulum is swinging once again. I am not ever going to be a full-time submissive, much less a slave. But on the other hand, there is truly an element of giving up and letting go in surrendering yourself to another in order to be spanked. Yes, it is a safe, sane, consensual relationship. But letting him take you across his lap, actually willingly going there is an act of submission. Ceding control, even if just for the duration of the spanking, is submissive. His being able to hold you in place because you both know that you won’t be able to stay in position while he paddles you is a temporary form of slavery.

Submission to slavery now appears to be not so much an either/or but a continuum that reaches far in both directions. There is more than a bit of the dominant in me, though I have no desire to spank anyone. (I’m no longer willing to say never, either.) But it also appears that I do have a submissive side to my nature, that there are times when letting go, submitting, ceding control are the healthiest things I can do.